Yes, Sweet Child O Mine, I understand that rules are most effective when theyre objective and specific. Yes, I now realize that Be Nice To Your Brother* does not fit either of those criteria. And since, my dear, you seem to enjoy playing in the gray space that I consider to be at odds with the simple request for the brotherly kindness, I will happily spell out the fine print.
Being nice to your brother does not include (but is not limited to not including) the following**:
- Hitting your brother.
- Pinching your brother.
- Kicking your brother.
- Nudging your brother.
- Talking about hitting/pinching/kicking/nudging your brother.
- Pretending youre going to hit/pinch/kick/nudge your brother.
- Saying nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah loudly over whatever your brother is trying to say every time he attempts to talk.
- Repeating everything your brother saysin a voice that makes him want to hit/pinch/kick/nudge you.
- Racing past your brother and shoving him out of the way so you can sit in front of the heating vent that just turned on.
- Touching your feet to your brothers feet after you tells you not to.
- Pretending to touch your feet to your brothers feet.
- Touching any part of your brother without his explicit permission.
- Grabbing the marker your brother was reaching for.
- Grabbing the LEGOs with which your brother is building.
- Grabbing anything that your brother appears to be playing with or eating or touching.
- Comparing the size of your cookie to his cookie.
- Comparing the size of your anything to his anything.
- Taking all of the wiffle balls.
- Hitting all of the wiffle balls into the compost pile.
- Imposing compost-y wiffle balls onto your brother who doesnt want them.
- Forcing compost-covered anything onto your brother at any time.
- Dropping a spider on your brothers leg.
- Dangling a spider over your brothers leg.
- Threatening to find a leech to stick on your brothers leg so that it will suck out all of his blood.
