Only those of us who are moms and dads truly understand how much a baby changes your life, including the dynamic with your partner. No matter how long you've been together or how well you get along, having a child can become the ultimate test for any relationship.
Why doesn’t anyone warn you about this? The truth is that very few people dare to talk about this topic, maybe out of fear of what others might say or because they think that admitting it diminishes the wonderfulness of being a mom. But one thing doesn’t negate the other. Acknowledging the challenges of motherhood simply reflects how deep and complex this experience is, and that doesn’t take away from the happiness of watching that new little person grow, filling your life with joy and giving everything a new meaning.
At the core, the responsibility of maintaining and strengthening your bond lies solely with the two of you, regardless of the arrival of a baby. So, instead of ignoring the challenges that come with this new stage, here are some practical tips to help you be better prepared to navigate this new chapter together.
You might have good communication and, because of that, you might think you'll be able to talk through every parenting issue as it arises. But no matter how much you talk about many things and feel certain that you know each other deeply, don’t take anything for granted. It's surprising how a child’s arrival can bring differences to light that you might never have imagined. What might have seemed trivial before can now turn into a heated argument.
That’s why it’s best to recognize and address differences early on. The sooner you talk about everything related to the arrival of this new baby, the better. Discuss your parenting approaches, how you’ll handle finances, how you’ll manage stress and exhaustion, how you’ll support each other, how your relationship will change and how you’ll negotiate when you disagree. Trust me, it’s much better to do this ahead of time than when you’re in the heat of the moment.
Couples therapy isn’t just for those who have problems. In fact, more and more people are seeking professional guidance when they’re getting married or moving in together, precisely to anticipate potential conflicts during such important transitions. This is an excellent resource that can prepare you and provide you with tools to manage differences and negotiate effectively, making it easier to adapt to this new reality. Additionally, it will force you to dedicate time to each other and talk about how you’re feeling and what each of you needs with the help of a neutral party.
At this point, you’ll need to take a deep breath. One of the most common arguments between couples arises when the mom constantly corrects the dad. However, sometimes the wisest thing to do is to relax and let them do things their way. If the clothes he chose don’t match, if the hairstyle is crooked, if he didn’t clean the baby’s mouth well… let it go, as long as it’s nothing harmful. Remember that even if he’s not doing things your way, he’s doing his best, and most importantly, he’s involved in the upbringing and care of your baby. Give him the opportunity and you’ll realize that there are even things he does better than you. Dads bring that other side that makes parenting more well-rounded and fun. Your child is probably happy to spend that time with dad.
When a baby is involved, differences tend to become much more apparent. It’s natural for both of you to have different ideas about how to raise your child. The way to resolve this is not by convincing the other person to adopt your point of view because that often won’t happen. But you need to be able to talk about it, give each other time to freely express your points of view and learn to reach agreements even if you don’t think the same way. Getting caught up in a battle to be right can make you lose sight of the main goal: both of you want what’s best for your baby. It’s crucial to create a safe environment where both of you feel free to express your concerns, frustrations and feelings without fear of how the other will react.
Don’t assume the other person knows what you’re thinking and feeling. Take the time now and then to really ask each other how you’re doing, and if they ask you, answer honestly. This simple question shows empathy, commitment and genuine interest in your partner’s well-being. It also opens a bridge of communication to address any issues and helps maintain a deep connection. It’s important to remember that both of you are going through the same thing, so this gesture of mutual care is key to getting through this stage together.
Let’s be honest. A baby is incredibly demanding, especially during the first year. Often, you have to juggle just to find a moment to shower, eat or even go to the bathroom, so you’re hardly going to have the time and energy to plan a romantic dinner. Instead of pressuring yourselves to organize something that requires the time you don’t have, take a few minutes a day to share a long hug, listen to a song you both like or share a joke that makes you laugh together. If someone offers to help with the baby, accept it, and then you can enjoy a quiet dinner or plan something you both like.
Finally, stop comparing yourselves to the images of “the perfect family” that are all over social media. Embrace parenthood with a realistic approach, recognizing both the challenges and the joys. This will ease frustration, help you adapt better and enjoy it without unnecessary pressure. Don’t hesitate to ask for help if you need it. It’s normal to go through tough times, but facing them with respect, mutual support and open communication won’t just prevent your relationship from collapsing, it will also strengthen it.
Tere Medina
Author