As I write these words, I'm slowly recovering from the flu, with a sprinkle of norovirus to make it extra fun.
It's been a rough two weeks of illness (and other surprises) in our household, and I'm only just starting to feel like myself again. Despite that, it's almost ironic that the next thing on my list is to write this article—one I had already planned to be a collection of reminders for when you're struggling with being a parent and a human at the same time.
Parenting is a 24/7 job; we all deserve medals for it. It's gratifying in many ways but challenging in other ways we don't always talk about. Sometimes, it helps to know that someone is in your corner, cheering you on and reminding you just how capable and strong you are.
So, today, these words are as much for me as I hope they'll be for you– words for anyone who needs a reminder that a tough day, a difficult week, or even a long season of chaos doesn't define you as a parent.
You're okay. You're handling so much. You're coming through.
This, too, shall pass.
These days happen.
Better yet, sometimes these weeks happen. Occasionally, even months. At some point in every parent's journey, everything can feel a little out of control.
We miss the mark—or the meeting.
We lose our cool.
A child gets sick.
The clocks change.
You name it.
But a tough day, or a series of tough days, isn't going to be counted against you. And that's because, thankfully, there's no scorecard. We all have these days. By saying that, I'm not trying to belittle the difficulty of it all; it's just a reminder that you will move through this. You always do.
Let people in.
I always remind myself that people can't find you if you don't tell them where you are.
When facing something hard or some internal battle, it's easy to want to keep it to myself and white-knuckle my way through to the other side. But life is not designed to be a one-player game. We are meant for people. We were made for connection. And when things get tough, people can surprise you with how they often end up being the silver lining in the midst of it all.
The other day, I waved my white flag and texted a group of girlfriends. It wasn't even a cry for help—honestly, I just wanted to share what the past week had been like with people who I know get it. Sometimes, the greatest strength for the next moment comes from someone else saying, "Yes, been there. Me too."
A few hours later, my friend Cara showed up on my doorstep with Chick-fil-A for my little one and a bag of groceries for me– lemon ginger tea, flowers, yogurt pouches, popcorn, and two containers of soup.
Reaching out to share where you are on the map can feel daunting and vulnerable, but it's also a way to slowly and steadily build your village. It opens up the line of communication for someone else, on a different day, to share where they are on the map with you.
Tiny feet and small victories.
Amidst all the hard, you are not required to move mountains. No one expects you to "tackle" the day like a linebacker. I say this because, for some reason, when life gets tougher than usual, we often place unrealistic pressure on ourselves to go into overdrive. But in reality, it's better to scale back. To do what you can. To not place these impossible expectations on yourself.
When everything feels overwhelming and out of control, it's a perfect time to get low, like we so often do with our little ones, and tell ourselves the truth: "We don't have to climb the whole ladder right now. Let's try the next step."
Sometimes, the best way to find yourself moving forward is to place one foot in front of the other. It doesn't matter how tiny that one foot might be.
Life is a collection of small things on repeat, I tell myself often.
Let's do the next small thing.
The next diaper change.
The next carpool line.
The next task on the to-do list.
The next tiny yet important victory.
It all counts, and it all adds up.
Put on your life jacket first.
There's a reason we're told to put on our own life jackets and oxygen masks first. It goes against our logic, as we're so used to serving those around us, but it's a form of safety and sustainable care.
But how does this apply when it's a sick parent or an unexpected diagnosis rather than a sinking ship?
We remember ourselves. Even during those tough times, we find those small moments to care for ourselves.
It's not the often unrealistic acts of self-care we see on social media; it's (once again) the more minor things. It's choosing sunlight instead of doom scrolling, brewing a cup of tea, reading a few pages of a book, or napping when the baby naps.
These small acts of intentional kindness toward ourselves are a way of parenting ourselves better.
If no one has told you recently, you matter in this story. And people want you to be the healthiest, most whole version of yourself to thrive in all the roles you juggle. You're doing so much. Remember your own life jacket.
Apply grace like sunscreen.
I often remind myself and others that grace is like sunscreen. It's best to apply it everywhere and reapply every 90 minutes.
Sometimes, this is the one memo that gets me through the hard days- a reminder that I am not a superhuman and that I, too, am allowed to mess up, get it wrong or have a hard time.
Parenthood isn't about perfection, and sometimes we hold ourselves to an impossibly high standard when we need to apply the same grace we give our kids when they're having a hard day or a challenging moment.
Because the milk will spill.
And the rain will come.
And the shoes will get lost.
And the bedtime routine will fall apart.
When it happens, we apply grace like sunscreen and keep going—one tiny foot in front of the other.
