I grew up with a mother who wrote me love letters. On special occasions, random Tuesdays, and often when I least expected it, I'd find a note in her familiar handwriting with my name on it.
My mother would tell you that her mother wrote her love letters, so she's just passing the tradition forward but I would say to you: I have a box of my mother's love letters, and they're one of my greatest treasures. At junctures where I felt unsure or weary, scared to grow up or take a step forward, those letters encouraged me, pushed me, and reminded me of how loved I was.
Now, as a mom myself, I understand why she did it. I understand the importance of handwriting notes and cards for her—especially in an age where life is increasingly moving at a faster pace and everything is more digital. Writing a letter to your child (or children) may seem like a small gesture, and it might not come naturally in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. But the impact of such a simple act can ripple in ways we often can't imagine.
Written or spoken words create lasting impressions that shape a child's sense of love, security, and confidence.
The data on this topic alone speaks for itself. Studies done by the Journal of Family Psychology show that children who feel loved and supported by their parents have higher self-esteem and a better sense of self-worth. Letter writing is a fantastic way to show love and support, especially if you struggle to call it out in the busyness of daily life and routines.
Another study done by the American Psychological Association showed that emotional validation and support from parents play a key role in reducing childhood anxiety and depression– two mental health issues that are on the rise in our country.
Apart from emotional resilience, writing letters for your kids has proven to be very effective in creating positive memories for both the recipient and writer while also helping contribute to higher literacy rates and better communication skills.
Data aside, I think many of us agree– words are powerful. Our words build worlds. In a world where there is so much negativity, our letters aren't just pieces of paper– they are a pause from a dizzying pace and a reminder to our little ones: you matter. I see you. I'm with you. Keep going.
First things first, letter writing doesn't have to be complicated or extensive. You don't need fancy stationery or a fountain pen to start writing love letters to your kids. A love letter can be so many things– it can be a card you pick out "just because" the next time you're at the grocery store or it can be an encouraging note scribbled in a common place where you know they'll find it.
For me, the practice of writing letters to my little girl began with a small black sketchbook I bought at the craft store for $5.
The idea of keeping up with a baby book felt overwhelming, and by the time I emerged from the newborn fog, I'd missed tracking half the milestones. But I still wanted to capture the little, beautiful moments of her growing up.
Instead of a baby book, I used that sketchbook to jot down love notes and memories. I keep it where I can always see it so I'm reminded to write in it. It's not a daily or weekly habit, but the pages have been filled with stories and notes over the years.
What started in the small black book has spiraled into more love letters– from Post-It Notes in lunch boxes to cards for holidays and "just because" occasions. I've learned that a love letter can be so many different things but the most important part is the words on the page.
If you're starting to write your own love letters, here are some practical tips I've learned along the way:
● Date the notes– It's a small addition, but we can look back and remember how old she was and what season of life we were in.
● Short and sweet– the notebook I write in is tiny– no taller than 6 inches– so the small page permits me to be brief but thoughtful in my approach.
● Write from the heart– focus on one aspect you love about your child– their sense of humor, their amazing sense of style, and how helpful they are with their siblings.
● No perfectionists allowed– letter writing is supposed to be messy. Show off that scratchy handwriting, and don't be afraid to make mistakes. I think imperfections in plain sight are one of the most valuable things we can show to our kids as they're growing up.
● Capture memories— Sometimes, I jot down a memory or scribble down a milestone. I keep track of the things she's loving. Remember: there's no right or wrong way to write a love letter. The most important part is taking time out of a busy day to pay attention to the page.
● Have fun and be creative– I include small polaroids or ticket stubs, little reminders of the day or the moment. They'll be fun for the both of us to flip through one day.
Whether it's a Post-It note in a lunch box or a text sent to an older child out of the blue, our kids need our words of kindness. Especially in today's digital world, they need something physical—something they can hold onto. Our love letters are tangible reminders that they are loved, are enough, and are not alone. In a way, they're carrying little pieces of our love with them.
Over time, I've learned the power of words and how much of an effect good, intentionally chosen ones have on my child. She beams when I encourage her or when she gets a note in the mail from someone else. Just the other day, when asked how she handles behavior in the classroom, her teacher said, "Fill them with love and kindness, and they'll do anything for you." I could not agree more. That love and kindness begins with words—the words we say and, just as important, the words we write.
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Small, intentional actions shape a child’s sense of being valued. Showing your love requires constant effort and care but is well worth the investment.
Hannah Brencher
Author